Resolutions

This trip has made me realise certain things, I never thought I would ever understand in life. I have so much to improve on my life.

I have been staying long enough as a feeler, making decisions according to my feelings and not my brain. It's time I start learning how to let my brain make rational decisions, I might be unhappy but I doubt I would have lived on with any regrets.

So much regrets, so much things I would want to turn back in time to fix what wrongs and mistakes I have done. I figured out if I let my brain do the talking and controlling, maybe I wouldn't have felt how I felt about today.

Because I haven't controlled my feelings better, I think it's gone mad wild. I think I have sinned so badly, I wish I wasn't alive. I wish I died. This guilt I'm trying to contain, it's getting out of hand.

So there I have it for the first resolution in 2015, to grasp a better control of my emotions.

Number two starts with being more productive, efficient. This also means less procrastination and I have to stop doing things at the very last minute. Eg of a procrastination; finishing a report on fucking new year's eve, literally on the submission date I wrote 3/4 of my report.

Third states the fact that I need to practice better time management. This is so I can spend more time with th right people, I should have long spent with in life. Life's too short to repeat mistakes, making them is fine, but learning from it, that's what life is about. Apparently, I have been making the same mistake for the past few years, only to realise that I have to take action now. why am i so...dumb. I think I sort of realise it was a mistake from th start but I ignored it, hoping that things might change, people might change. I guess.. .. some people will just never learn how fucked up they can be because they're always hanging out together, they will never know that they are fucked up unless they step out of their comfort zone and be exposed to various perspectives and views. And thus, I would like to conclude that the word, "hope", are for losers who wait for good things to happen to them instead of fighting it for themselves. Yeap, I will never be that loser again.

Fourth, I will exercise more independence. I have to be more independent, emotionally. I will not depend on anyone to hear my sorrows. I will talk myself into getting over unfortunate events, I don't need a friend to confide in. I don't need a partner to confide in. I have only myself on this Earth. No one's going to help me, I am the master of my own success and failures, the master of my own fate and destination.

I also need to stop self-pitying, for the fact that I'm single, my life is partially with some fucked up people.

Fifth, get a fucking driving license.

Sixth, master the game of touch rug with all dedication and commitments. I musn't give up on what I have always wanted to learn a few years back.